Monday, July 27, 2009

Now Serving Number 206

When I was little, we lived with my great-grandparents while our parents divorced and Mom went to nursing school. I remember having bubble baths with my older sister. We'd soap up our animal shaped sponges and create "lanolin" like we'd seen on TV commercials. We'd slather it on while she talked in funny voices and did her own commercials.

Pretty soon, she`d get even crazier and funnier. The suds and splashes would start to fly. I would laugh my head off when she would do the bakery lady voice. I was a great audience and she was a natural comedian.

She would grab the rolls of chub on her tummy and tell me they were rolls of bread dough, waiting to be put in the oven and baked up for the next customer. She had two rolls to offer as I recall. She`d have a whole routine going with the different types of bread and arguing who ordered what. She made it all so funny and wonderful.

She was older, wiser, funnier and she had bread rolls. I was plain, scrawny and totally lacking in the rolls department. How I looked up to her. I wanted some rolls to offer up for comic hilarity too. sadly, I couldn`t even pull enough loose skin to make a small bun. It just wasn't fair!

What's that old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true."?

Fast forward 40+ years and I have my wish.

In spades, baby.

My body is no longer a temple, I turned it into a freaking bakery. A bakery owned by a pleasant Chinese family since there are at least 3 Chins hanging around here. I don`t have to wish for any bread rolls, I have a full selection. No to mention several other sections.

There's the
Crave cupcakes section, the Ultimate Coconut cookie section, the new buttermilk cake recipe section, the stuff made with Eagle Brand milk section and a whole lot more.

My butt has gotten so humongous I named it.
Shirley. My sweaters lie on it like a shelf.

I have thighs that would catch fire from the friction if I ever had to run anywhere. I have chest pains even when I`m standing on the scale.

Currently, I weigh 206 lbs.

Which really sucks since I'm only 5 foot 2. I wanted to do an online search for my BMI but I`m afraid if I key in my particulars, I`d get links to Ringling Bros or Barnum and Bailey for a fat lady job.

So, today I ordered some help in the form of Apidexin. It`s not an answer, it`s a kick start.

The next round of the fat loss battle will be fought here. Since I plan on becoming accountable to the whole Internet, I`ll actually have to do something about the bakery that I have become.

Putting down the cookie now and moving on down the street.

Nothing to see here.

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