The Camera is Mightier Than the Sword

Every spring it's the same old problem here in the teeny tiny condo. There is a junior high on the next block and we have a courtyard between the two buildings of our complex.

The teens love to walk down to the Red Mile grab a slice or a burger and then meander back to our courtyard to enjoy it. Problem is, I don't enjoy them.

They are loud, profane and usually feel free to leave their garbage behind. I watched, astonished, as a young man opened his foil wrapped burger, lifted the top bun and threw the tomato and lettuce on our lawn. Then he proceeded to eat his burger, wad up the wrapper and throw it on the lawn as well.

Excuse me? This is my home.

They smoke, (leave their butts), skateboard on our cobblestones, (breaking them down), scream with laughter (disrupting the Nameless Man on his conference calls), swear like sailors (sorry to offend any sailors) and throw their garbage around.

Yesterday I watched from my balcony as two young girls in short dressy cocktail type dresses walked up the alley, munching on a slice of pizza. One looked stealthily around, and then assuming she was free from prying eyes, threw her pizza crust into the flower beds that border the back of the condo property. So, I said, "Hey. Do I come to your house and throw stuff all over your yard?" She was shocked when she looked up to see me standing there but I`ll give her credit. She reluctantly teetered back over to pick up the crust and drop it into one of the 6 garbage cans directly across the alley.

Earlier, three teens with skateboards were skating around and swearing. I went out and said, `Guys, this is private property so I`ll have to ask you to leave.`Immediately, their self appointed buttonhead acted all, `Wha?" and "Us?" and "There's a sign? Where? What sign?" and giving me all kinds of attitude. I asked flat out, "Do you live here?" and of course the answer was negative. They eventually swggered off, their progress somewhat impeded by the waist of their pants holding their knees together. Is that still in style?!

Since I work from home, I see and hear a lot of what goes on around here during the day. Far more than I want to, let me tell you!

In years past, WD and I have backed each other up as we have confronted and chased these kids away. Two of them covered our entire intercom system at the parkade entrance with Pepto Bismol pink spray paint. Nearly the entire unit, they missed the pinhole camera that lets us see who is calling for entry. Heh heh. They sure were surprised when the police showed up at their school with their pictures. Unfortunately, there was no recourse for the little monor darlings. They never even had to apologize, let alone pay to have the paint cleaned out of the intercom buttons.

I have called their school after one young lad mistook our courtyard for a urinal. Although the administrator I spoke to was apologetic, they never sent the kid back to scrub off the pee which is what would have happened back in my day. If you got in trouble, you got it at school and then again when you got home. Am I dating myself here?

Every spring is another session of futility but I think I have finally hit on the ultimate weapon.

They aren't ascared of me, all 5'2" of middle-aged me with my head barely clearing the balcony rail asking or TELLING them to get off this property. When I was on the board of directors here, we hung signs and put up gates blocking access to the courtyard. It didn`t do any good at all.

So now, I have escalated the fight and brought in a weapon. I now walk softly and carry a Canon.

Today when Tikki alerted me (by incessantly barking as is his wont) we had uninvited guests, I took my camera and headed out to the balcony. I pointed it at them and then advised them I have taken all their pictures and if I see them here again, any damage or vandalism found AT ALL will be blamed on them.

I'm sure taking their picture would violate their rights somehow. Privacy law maybe? So, I didn't actually take the pictures. I just pointed the Canon and let them run.

After I soothed my sore muscles in my arms from all the back patting, I was thinking about how much was written and talked about the situation in China but, until we saw the photos from Tiannamen Square it never grazed many of our conciousness.

My situation is of course not approaching any dramatic level but it's pretty interesting to see how even tough, mouthy teens are terrified of a camera. Somehow, you are much more accountable when you have been filmed. Unless you are a Hollywood starlet in a hotel room. Then you have a fledgling career.

I'll let you know if I have to get a tank.

Attitude Extraordinaire

Wow! You are not going to believe this... I went clothes shopping and got such fantastic service at one store, I happily paid 20% MORE than the ticketed price on the clothing I walked out with.

The sales staff at the next store weren't as good, and I wasn't as happy with them so I only paid 10% more at that particular store.

What made the first store so exceptional Sparrow?, you might be asking. Well, Reader, it was that she greeted me enthusiastically when I walked in, she said "good choice" when I selected a couple of items to try on and then she brought me additional items when the first selections didn't fit. She kept checking back on me to see if I needed more clothing to try on and she drew a smiley face on my receipt! I was tickled pink!! 20% on top of the bill for you my dear!

At the second store, the sales associate showed me to a dressing room, brought me clothes and helped me, but I didn't think her heart was in it and I wasn't very happy she was standing in another part of the store, texting or visiting with her co-workers. So, I only paid her 10% above the ticketed price. I wasn't going to pay anything extra, but she probably works for minimum wage so I felt bad for her.

Does any of this make sense to you? Me neither!!

Yet, as I travel around the blogsphere, I read waiter blogs. And, without exception, they are all whiney diatribes against us, the customer. They poke fun in a superior manner at us, the customer or `cover`if you will, for not ordering appetizers, for ordering a kids meal for our kids. For not ordering inflated priced wines to go with our meals, for not wanting a dessert after a gargantuan portioned entree and for asking for a to-go container when we can`t finish our food. God help us if we over stay our welcome and linger over coffee when they are hopping from one foot to the other wanting to turn the table over to the next cover.

The most scorn on these blogs and in the comments is saved for the tip. If we tip less than 20% we are dirt in these waiters eyes. If we expect change from a large bill or gift card, we are cheap. If we ask for anything extra (like steak sauce for chicken)or any reasonable substitutions, we are demanding and ignorant. And they detail how they cash out at the end of the night with good tips or lousy tips to supplement their minimum wages. It is rarely less than $60 per night more than their wages.

Amongst the other blogs, I have been reading while Attitude Extraordinaire, erm I mean Waiter Extraordinaire gives a running commentray on his covers, their unrealistic demands (lemon for your water? You witch!!) and their paltry tips. A 37% tip made him happy...$5 on the table did not. He works in a corporate steakhouse, just below fine dining so I am guessing the Keg or its ilk. Not cheap by any means and not likely to attract the Great Unwashed. Yet his attitude clearly shows he feels we owe him. He gives advice to his fellow waitstaff on how to manipulate customers. The post that really sent me over the edge was the one that detailed all the things he and his waitress wife had purchased for their home and the lessons, activities and vacations his 2 kids had had in the past 12 months. Sure looks like a whole lot of disposable (cash) income in that household.

In contrast, the staff in the dress shop happily greets me when I come in, I am usually approached by a sales woman who cheerfully asks if she can help me once I have browsed a little. Then, she willingly brings me different clothing items to try onto my overweight and misshappen body. She doesn't look at me like I have committed the unforgiveable faux paus if I want to try on a flimy little number that is clearly too young for me. She gently steers me away from that selection. Sometimes, she will bring me accessories like a scarf or necklace to accentuate my apparel I have on. I know this is an upsell but I don't mind because she clearly wants to make sure I look good and am happy. She stays nearby, wanting to be helpful, not gossiping in the back room and she usually escorts me to the till. All for minimum wage. No tip, no attitude, no sense of entitlement that I owe her more than the listed price.

So, Mr Waiter Extraordinaire, I would like to come and have a meal out while respecting my budget and honoring my convictions not to drink and drive, even after just one. I would like to repeat the specials you just rattled off to my husband who is a little hard of hearing, especially in noisy restaurants and speak to you on our behalf since he is also shy as well as going deaf. Or does that make me a manhating old bag who is dominating my downtrodden husband? I would like to take some of the food I paid for home with me to enjoy the next day if I cannot finish it. And I would like to pay the price stated in the menu for my choice.

I would like you to do your job and bring me what I have ordered, refill my beverage and be somewhere in the vicinity when I try to catch your eye so we may have our bill. Is that too much to ask? Why do I need to pay you 20% extra to do your freaking job???? Waiting on us is what you signed on for, isn't it?

That rant now out of my system, the Nameless Man and I never tip less than 15%, usually 20% and only once in my life have I not left a tip. I get the custom and the culture. I embrace it.

I just don't get why every single waiter blog has to run down the people who ensure he has a job.

I iz blue

Having a bad day/week.

I wonder what the postal code would be to get your mail forwarded when you live inside your head as much as I do.

Doctor's appointment on Friday. I can't do this unmedicated.

Weigh In...Way Out

200 again, ouch!
Not that I don't deserve it what with the Peter's run and all.

I have already walked Tikki for 20 min, mostly uphill. So, I'm on the right track.

Todays goals:

Walk at least another 20, in fact, I am working on designing a flyer WD and I would have to walk house to house to deliver here in my neighbourhood. I live in a very hilly area so, done right, this should be a great workout for me.

Water: 8 - 8oz glasses
Green Tea supplements and Matcha.
Sleep at least 7 hours
Food: No sugar and ONE diet Coke.
Plan stick to South Beach Phase One for the weekend.

We're having a new couple over tomorrow night for Greek food but I think when I make it, I can adapt a lot of it to South Beach for me. It will spill over into Phase Two but at least it will be "on plan".

I got a great deal of encouragement out of Dawn's post over at Fixing Myself Thinner. Her Wake Up Call was so good for me, especially the last paragraph. It was like she was speaking directly to me. I have the power within me to do anything I want and I am worth it!

Lunch

Lunch was great and my little sister looks fantastic! She has a couple of wrinkles but since she hit the big Four Oh over 2 years ago, that is to be expected. She is a natural blonde with gorgeous blue eyes and a great smile. I have missed her so bad. When we met just outside the condo building, we hugged and I never wanted to let go.

I have been kidding myself thinking I didn't need any of my own family. Thinking I was just fine on my own with no family. It was a way to cope with the hurt and rejection I think.

She knows the stories and the jokes. There is the shared history. It was just soooo good to sit and visit with her. She brought pictures of her kids and I must say, without bias, they are great looking kids. Now I can't wait to meet them too. I have only met her husband once, at their wedding, so pretty soon I'll have a whole pile of folks to claim as kin.

We have tentative plans to go swimming next Friday and then get together as families on June 12th.

Once my sister left, WD and I picked up Dom from school and then headed to Ikea where we did a bjorken (which is Swedish for endless walking throughout the store in search of one small shelf and the checkout).The Nameless Man joined us there when he finished work and after he also bjorkened, we had supper in the cafe. It was surprisingly good. It turns out WD treated so I was especially grateful. As a single parent, she is strapped for cash so it was especially sweet of her.

Then tonight the Nameless Man and I walked Tikki for 30 minutes. We even walked up hills. I feel motivated today. It was a very good day. Actually, it was great.

Weigh in again tomorrow.

Cursing Peter's Drive In

And not my lack of will power, oh no, the fault couldn't lie with me!

WD and I stopped for a burger yesterday after a long mornings work...and went a little crazy. Despite the fact I am lactose intolerant, I ordered and devoured a chocolate-mint milkshake. Then ate more than a few onion rings. But the scales were kind and I was still in One derland at 198 when I weighed in.

Today, we are having a very special lunch date. A very special lunch.... WD and I will be having my long little sister come over to the teeny tiny condo at 1 pm. I am kinda nervous. I last saw her when her son was less than a year old. He is now 16 and has a 12 year old younger brother who I have obviously never laid eyes on.

We have been catching up by phone for the past couple weeks but this will be our first face to face after all these years.

Someday I will chronicle for you some of the dysfunction in my family. If I was to document all of the instances of Crazy I recall from my childhood without a single embellishment and make it into a book, no publisher would touch it. They would be certain it couldn't possibly be true.

Better Days

Weigh in today: 198!! Now I know it's water weight, but hey, I'll take it. It makes me feel like I have done something at least.

Today looks like a snow day. Weather warnings and wind advisories abound.

JC's face rash thingy has subsided a bit and he seems to be feeling better. I spent an enjoyable 10 minutes nattering away on the phone to him while his mommy drove Dom the 1/2 block to school. Apparently as he exitied the car, the wind caught his glove so Wonderful Daughter had to quickly get out and chase the glove down. Too bad for her she was parked right in front of the school... and was wearing a leather coat, ballet flats and a nightgown. Tee hee hee.

Todays goals: Drink 8 cups of water.
Walk 20 minutes in parkade. (I'll be dizzy)
No sugar!
One diet Coke. Only 1!
Green tea supplements.
Matcha tea.

Gotta go make an omelete for the Nameless Man. I love these cozy days...

Oh, and did I tell you? My long lost little sister has resurfaced. (More on that later.) It has been very interesting to catch up with her on events of the past 15 years. Very interesting...and strange.